On a blanket from Taiwan -

NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists-

REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

On a Taiwanese shampoo -

USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -

AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

In a US guide to setting up a new computer -

TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids -

LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES,KEEP QUIET.

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -

WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

On a bag of Fritos -

YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -

DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -

PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On a Korean kitchen knife -

WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -

FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor -

NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. ( Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -

WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? And that's bad why?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -

INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

On a child's superman costume -

WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY