Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer.

Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of place that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.

You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.

You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you stepped on as a child, and worry that their descendants are going to one day seek revenge.

You have meaningful conversations with your blender.

Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with their little illusion.

You like cats. Especially with mayo.

You scream "I've got a knife!" to people who try to sell you things.

You scream "I've got a knife!" to people at your family reunion

You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because you wanted to be on the island too.

You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.

Every time you see the commercial for the Hair Club For Men, you think to yourself, "I think I'll kill the pope today."

You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.

You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.

You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used it.

You took any of these comments seriously.