Dead Baby Jokes!!!
  • Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
    A: A baby with slashed floaties.
  • Q: What crys alot and goes round in circles?
    A: A baby with one foot nailed to the floor.
  • Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
    A: The same baby three weeks later.
  • Q: What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
    A: Floaties with a slashed baby.
  • Q: What's red and sits in a highchair?
    A: A baby eating razor-blades.
  • Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner?
    A: Dead Baby playing with razor blades.
  • Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner?
    A: Same baby 3 weeks later.
  • Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
    A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.
  • Q: What's blue and sits in the corner?
    A: Baby in a cellophane bag.
  • Q: What is green and sits in the corner?
    A: Same dead baby two weeks later!
  • Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
    A: Take your foot off its head.
  • Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on the window?
    A: A baby in the microwave.
  • Q: What's blue and knocks on glass?
    A: A baby in a fishtank
  • Q: What is charred black and smells really bad?
    A: A baby in the fireplace.
  • Q: What is red and swings back and forth?
    A: Dead baby on a meathook.
  • Q: How do you know when an elephant has been in the baby carriage?
    A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead! (elephants get into everything!)
  • Q: What do elephants use for ben-wa balls?
    A: Dead babies.
  • Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
    A: It was stapled to the chicken.
  • Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
    A: Because it was dead.
  • Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
    A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
  • Q: Why did the tree fall over?
    A: The koala never let go.
  • Q: Why did the kangaroo die?
    A: Because the koala landed on it.
  • Q: How do you get a baby out of a tree?
    A: You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a penata!
  • Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
    A: A Doberman on a children's playground!
  • Q: What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall?
    A: Pulling them off.
  • Q: What's red and white and goes 'round and 'round?
    A: A baby in a blender
  • Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
    A: So you can see the expression on its face!
  • Q: How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth?
    A: Use a blender
  • Q: How do you get them out?
    A: With a straw
  • Q: What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
    A: A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
  • Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?
    A: Make a coffee table.
  • Q: whats the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
    A: you can't use a pitchfork to unload the bowling balls.
  • Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
    A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.
  • Q: how do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
    A: Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.
  • Q: What is worse than that?
    A: At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out
  • Q: What is worse than that?
    A: It made it
  • Q: What is worse than that?
    A: It went back for seconds!
  • Q. Whats more fun that spinning a baby on clothes line?
    A. Stopping it with a shovel.
  • Q: What's more fun that spinning a baby on a clothesline at 100MPH?
    A: Stopping it with a cricket bat.
  • Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car?
    A: Getting it out of the tires.
  • Q: How is a baby like a grape?
    A: They both give a little wine when you squish them.
  • Q: What's small, red, and can't turn around in corridors?
    A: A baby with a javelin through its head.
  • Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
    A: Put a javelin through its head.
  • Q: What does a dingo call a baby in a van?
    A: Meals on wheels.
  • Q: What is pink, and with the flick of a switch, goes black?
    A: A baby playing with a powerpoint.
  • Q: What's black and furry and crawls in the woods?
    A: A baby covered in spiders.
  • Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
    A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
  • Q: What's red, sits in the front of mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
    A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.
  • Q: What's red and white and screams?
    A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
  • Q: What's the proper gift for a dead baby?
    A: A dead puppy.
  • Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
    A: A homesick abortion!
  • Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
    A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
  • Q: What is red and hangs around in trees?
    A: A baby that was hit by a snow thrower.
  • Q: What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
    A: A baby run over by a lawn mower.
  • Q: What's red, white and green and is spread all over the lawn?
    A: Same baby, two months later.
  • Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.
  • Q: What's pink and spits?
    A: A baby in a frying pan.
  • Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles.
    A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
  • Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
    A: Twins in an acid bath.
  • Q: How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little baby face and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving at you with those little baby fingers and little baby toes?
    A: Gouge its eyes out.
  • Q: Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?
    A: Because you get a womb with a view.
  • Q: What is a sure way to stop a baby from crying?
    A: With an axe.
  • Q: What's better than tying babies to your bumper and crashing?
    A: Tying them to your tires and skidding.
  • Q: Why does the husband always bring boiling water at a birth?
    A: In case the baby dies, he can make soup.
  • Q: What do vegetarian dingos eat?
    A: Cabbage patch kids.
  • Q: What do you call a baby on a stick?
    A: A Kebabie.
  • Q: What do you call a baby on a stick with no kidneys?
    A: Doner Kebabie.
  • Q: What did the mother say to the baby on a stick that was crying?
    A: "Shush, Kebabie!"
  • Q: What is the definition of revenge?
    A: A baby with a dingo in its mouth.
  • Q: What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
    A: You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
  • Q. What is brown and keeps it's juices in?
    A. A baby in an oven bag.
  • Q: How do you spoil a baby?
    A: Leave it out in the sun.
  • Q: Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
    A: Dead babies make the best chum.
  • Q: What's charred black and smells really bad?
    A: A baby playing with a blow torch.
  • Q: What is 18" long, cold and stiff, and makes a woman scream in the morning?
    A: Crib death.
  • Q: What's worse (or more fun) than a dead baby in art class?
    A: Pinning it up on the bulletin board.
  • Q: What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
    A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
  • Q: What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of placenta?
    A: You can't gargle gravel.
  • Q: What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
    A: Sticking pins in their eyes.
  • Q: Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones
    A: Because they're hand made
  • Did you know that it takes five babies to make just one bottle of baby oil?

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